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Sunday, November 24, 2013

Starting Over


The last 6 months have been a serious trial of my inner strength and faith. I have found myself in a place where I lost all my worldly titles, most of them unexpectedly; not a Mrs. anymore, no more job title, not a girlfriend, not anything. So who am I?

In the time that I spent trying to mourn and let go of all those things I ‘was’, I began to question my self worth. I lost sight of the wide open possibilities of a brand new future and let worry and fear take over. I started losing my faith that the Universe has and always will provide. 

The panic started taking over and I was rushing to apply for any job available, out of fear. Well, I have been on this path a long time and my spiritual guides know me very well; we have a close and constant relationship and they knew they had to stop me. They had to slow me down and get me to focus on my real self...the one with no titles. Oh boy, did they do it with style - as always. 

The Universe literally punched me in the eye.

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Periorbital cellulitis looks and feels like you have been hit in the eye with nothing short of a very hard fist, or quite possibly a lead pipe. Pain, swelling, yuckiness and lack of an eye patch kept me from going out of the house and being on the computer much for a couple of days. I rested, I meditated, I stopped panicking, I thought about my life and what I really needed to be happy. None of it included titles. 

Then I came across this video on Upworthy.com:

His words were so poignant to my current situation (not the gas part); exactly what I needed to hear. It is time to make a new me without the concern of worldly titles and what differentiates me from others. The new me will only be concerned with what I can do to help others in the way that I was gifted. The Universe will provide. My faith is strong, I can get through these trying times. 

I am free of all prisons now. Time to spread my wings and fly.

But, what does that really mean? How can I make that a reality? 

Turns out that sometimes we put ourselves in those prisons to make the world a little smaller and a little safer feeling. The big wide open spaces can be scary. Too many possibilities can be overwhelming. It is easy to get paralyzed like a deer in the headlights; unable to make a move in any direction. 

How does someone get past the anxiety and know which way to go when finally freed?

That’s a really good fucking question. 

It is easy to succumb to the fear and rush to find a new title to keep the safety of the walls up. It’s easy to sit at home and avoid the search and the possibilities. It is not easy to narrow down the field to one opportunity that feels right and take the leap of faith required to make it happen.  

Everything happens for a reason. All things come in their right time. God provides. 

Those are a lot harder to believe in when everything collapses around you. It is difficult to keep the faith when the next opportunity hasn’t appeared yet. My guides knew that I would not consciously choose this route, I would stay in my safe little prison while hoping the next door would open for me in there. So, they kicked my ass and dragged me out of my safety zone. 

Life does that sometimes; we lose relationships, loved ones, jobs, property. It hurts and it brings us to our knees for a while. 

That is where we find the answers and the strength to move forward again...on our knees, broken and battered, unable to cry anymore. That’s when the quiet takes over. In the quiet, over the rubble of our expectations and lost dreams, the Divine speaks. It’s a small quiet voice at first, but the feeling of unconditional love that accompanies it is not small. It is an immense love that washes and soothes the recent wounds of life. If we accept it, allow it to take over and keep listening, it will heal those wounds. 

Whatever god or goddess you believe in or even if you believe in nothing at all, that love is there for you. For all of us, strictly because it is the natural state of the human soul. All the rest of this is just a distraction from it. The titles, things, busy work and money mean nothing to the soul. 

As the Dalai Llama said, helping others is the way to happiness. Making the real question for the future, ‘What gifts have you been blessed with that you can use to help others?’ 

When everyone has answered that and acted on it, the doors will open wide and a new sense of safety in freedom will be achieved for each of us. 

3 comments:

  1. I like your article. Thank you for taking the time to write it.

    Shell
    pmddmuse.blogspot.com

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  2. Sometimes we desperately hold on to what we know because it is safe. We forget that if we stick to one path, we are also refusing all the other paths that could have been perfect for us. If we are with the frog, Prince charming cannot come knocking at the door.

    Sending you many positive vibes for figuring out what's best for you. It will work out.

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  3. Thank you very much for your comments! You are very right about refusing paths. I have been working on releasing my own internal blocks to possibilities. Always climbing that hill!

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