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Monday, November 12, 2012

Mysterious ways

I could be sitting here crying and feeling sorry for myself. I could easily be angry and frustrated and upset. Bad things happen. People get sick. Teeth fall out.

As a matter of fact, that is what happened to me. I was flossing my teeth two nights ago and a tooth just fell out and bounced across the floor, broken off at the gum line. Shock. Panic. Worry. It all hit me at once.

Upon inspecting the corpse of what was once my tooth, I realized that it had already had a root canal and been crowned years ago. Apparently that is why I could not feel the rotting tooth and infection that had been building up in my own head. Now that the crown is gone, I can feel the swelling and pain in a line from there up into my cheek bone and sinus cavity.

The loss of teeth is a big fear of mine. I have had recurring nightmares about my teeth falling out since I was a young girl. This dream is fairly common and symbolizes fear and worry about loss of security, money and not being able to care for ourselves. In primitive times the loss of teeth was the sign that life was over. We could no longer feed and care for ourselves so we were no longer a benefit to our tribe. In some cultures the loss of the last tooth meant going out into the wilderness to die. It is programmed deep in our genetic memory to associate teeth with survival.

So, why am I happy?

No, not just happy, really fucking happy?

Because this infection could be the reason my immune system has been taxed and unable to fight off other viruses and bacteria! I have been searching for a reason, a cause for the obvious change in my body over the last six months to a year or so. Never before have I been so susceptible to colds and flu. Then I even got pneumonia last month. I am even hopeful that once the infection is treated and cleaned out I will be able to fight off the HPV virus on my own and avoid cervical cancer if it hasn't progressed that far yet.

So, yeah, I'm pretty damn happy. This is so much better and more easily fixable than the other possibilities. I was concerned that it was progression of the pmdd, deterioration of my immune system, another deeper chronic illness that hadn't been diagnosed yet or cancer.

Of course, I won't know until I have had time to heal and a few months to see if I feel better, less lethargic, less sickly. With that I sign off for the day, fingers crossed, rabbit's foot in hand, four leaf clover in my pocket, and anything else that will help this turn out to be the root of these problems. Pun intended.

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