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Thursday, October 11, 2012

Happiness is a learned behavior.

There are lots of things to be unhappy about every day. Starting with small examples like, "why are there so many fonts to choose from and who the hell named them? Walter Turncoat? That's a font? 

Whatever. The point is that things like that used to push my buttons, set me off. Tip me to irrational, ego involved reactions. That's pretty normal in a diverse society, I think. Anger and stress over what "I" consider to be wrong. What "I" perceive to be happening to me. That is also normal, however in women like myself that suffer from Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) it can trigger severe symptoms and bad episodes up to and involving hospitalization and sometimes suicide is a real factor. Learning to disarm the bomb that was my temper/ego/traumatized child self was a crucial battle to save myself and those around me. It was an odd battle to have to learn to be happy. And I am here, grinning from ear to ear, alive to tell the tales. 

I can't even decide where or when I should start this journey. Not at the beginning, and there is no end to tell for now, so somewhere smack in the middle sounds good...

Sometime in the 90's I had a realization that I could learn to control the natural ability to withdraw from my body, astral projection, to get a different perspective on a situation. The ability is often formed when a child is traumatized in some way and they learn to leave to be 'safe'. It is a primitive, unconscious defense mechanism and survival tool often found later in life by previously abused, neglected, traumatized children. In trained Shaman it is the way of travel. For me, it is a path to happiness on very deep levels. Picture this...

You are having a disagreement with your step mother and things have gotten uncomfortable at gatherings. You are finding it difficult to see her point of view and resentment is building. Tension is spreading throughout the family like a disease. You have to go to a holiday dinner and see her and you can barely sleep thinking about how awful it will be. Then you sit down, close your eyes and rise up above your body. Then up higher, above the roof. Then just high enough to see her house from where you are, out of curiosity you start to move that direction. She is there at the window and you can see her. See her clearly for the first time. She is small, frail and scared. From up here you can see that she barricades herself in her little world of hate and judgement because she is terrified of everything outside that wall. Pity? Surprise? Not sure what it was, but it changed you just a little. Cleaned your lenses.

Next thing you know you are taking a few 'steps' back when meeting someone to make sure you are seeing them and not them through you. It becomes habit to try and see everything from every possible angle and become balanced and nonjudgmental. Everything is more beautiful. After a while that spreads to self. It becomes acceptance. 

Acceptance makes life smoother, softer around the edges, bouncier on the falls. 

It is not a short road and what works for one may not work for another but to communicate our successes and failures for the possible benefit of others is the key to spreading happiness and understanding. 

Warning: There will come times when my stories will contain lewd, bawdy language and inappropriate content but it will always be done for informational and entertainment purposes. 

2 comments:

  1. Beautiful!Looking forward to many more, Michelle!!

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  2. me too... :) grrr.... I am not anonymous. I'm Kathy. the first three times I tried to post comments on your blogs it wouldn't let me. said there was an illegal character in the url. Anyway... I agree with Carrie. Love reading your blogs, and glad you are writing them.

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